Perfect

When I was five years old, my kindergarten teacher told my mom that she (my mom) must be a perfectionist. Curiously, my mom asked “Why?’ to which Ms. Lawyer replied, “Because your son is.” Apparently, in everything I did, from coloring to cutting construction paper, it HAD to be perfect! In fact, if it wasn’t perfect, I would just give up and stop trying altogether. While every other kid proudly displayed projects scribbled in crayon and looking like they had been cut out with a butter knife, I had nothing. At five, perfection didn't get you much.

About ten years ago, I decided that it was time for me to go talk to someone very close to me about being a perfectionist. I was going to share my own life experiences with him and see if I could get him to understand how much he needed to change; to stop being such a perfectionist. So, on that day, I went home, found a mirror and started the conversation. Wow, not easy.

   

Fast forward to today and you would discover, oddly enough, that I still believe in perfectionism. But, I’ve modified the definition. In fact, you might say that my new definition of perfection is PERFECT. First, the old definition: Perfection (n) -the quality or state of being perfect. Now, my new definition: Perfection (n) -the quality or state of being perfect ENOUGH. How’s that?  

If you apply the old definition to your life, it’s easy to see that you end up without a job, without someone to live life with, without a home, without a car, without anything important. You see, perfectionism STILL gets you nothing. So how does this apply to you? Easy! Stop searching for PERFECT and instead search for PERFECT ENOUGH. How? Let me tell you.

First, stop searching for perfection in what you wear. Throw on some flip flops and a t-shirt and be seen in public! It’s ok. And you know that yard you work so hard on making perfect? Let it go some. It’s ok if you have a few wilted flowers now and then. Oh, and then your better half. PLEASE stop looking for perfection there. I mean it. You won’t find it. But guess what. THEY LOVE YOU. Isn't that perfect enough?

And you know what else? Stop striving for perfection in your health and fitness goals. You will NEVER achieve it for any length of time. But, you can achieve “perfect enough” for a lifetime. Yes, you should set goals and eat healthy. Just don’t stress out and fail when you end up eating something less than perfect. Try to exercise daily. But, if you miss a work out, it’s OK. 

Imagine the possibilities this new key can open up for you. Endless best describes them.

Think about this a while and see how it works for you. Remember, not perfect, perfect enough. Got it? Perfect! Now hand me another sheet of that construction paper. I have some projects to do!

Ron

Back To The Pool

Spring -her first day at the pool this year. Her heart was pounding. She could feel the sweat starting to collect across her face. Maybe she shouldn't do this. “Maybe I should just turn around and go back home” she thought to herself. Slowly she pushed open the ornate iron gate that surrounded the pool. For just a moment she paused and looked around. In each area, people were sitting in small groups, some laughing, and some soaking up the sun. “I can do this” she thought.

Even though the sun was blasting down and the concrete was uncomfortably hot, she noticed that sweet smell of springtime honeysuckle in the air. The sweet smell and cool spring breeze took her back in time to when she was a little girl and the pool simply meant one thing: fun.  As the gate slammed shut behind her though, she was brought right back to the present and the reality that the pool had not been fun for many years! The pool is a place where only the brave dare go out. It’s a place filled with one-piece swim suits, cover ups, sarongs, wraps and many other creative ways to hide the reality of a poor diet and lack of exercise.

But, there she was. Many, many times in the past she had avoided going to the pool. Each time a friend invited her, she had a conflict. “Oh, I’m so sorry; I’ve already got something planned for that afternoon.” Yes, like sitting at home in front of the TV eating unhealthy food and “wishing” things were different. It had been many, many years since she had actually enjoyed going to the pool -or on dates, or shopping for clothes, or you know, living life.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. As she stood there, she began to replay all of the last five months in the gym, sweating it out on the treadmill, pushing around the weights and doing lots and lots of crunches. She recalled all of the healthy food choices she had made over the last five months. Cookies and wine had given way to strawberries and protein shakes. Enchiladas and margaritas had been replaced with grilled chicken and water. “Wow. Did I do this?” she asked herself.

Opening her eyes, a beautiful, well-earned smile broke across her face. “YES, I did this!” she exclaimed. As she walked, the glow of her brand new swimsuit only seemed to enhance the flat, toned stomach she now had. With each confident step, legs that most women would kill for carried her through the pool area. As she walked, people noticed. In fact, many of the girls at the pool just wished they could look like her. Well, actually ALL of the girls wished they could look like her.

Once on her lounger, she sat back with a smile and a cold bottle of water. Oh, and confidence, happiness and excellent health. What was in store for her as the summer unfolds? Who knows? But, who wouldn’t want to find out? If you want a better life, make the decision like she did to eat healthy and get regular exercise. There simply are NO limits to what you can do. This reminds me of a quote one of our UB'ers just shared on Facebook: “She believed she could, so she did.” Guess what, your turn!  

Chasing Goals

I used to know this runner who was SO fast. Every day he ran down my road. He was faster than me, smarter than me and everyone liked him, well, except me of course! You see, for years and years I had been trying to catch up to him. However, every single time I tried, I failed. Once I dug a big hole right in the middle of the road waiting on him to come running and fall right in. But, in the heat of the moment, I gave pursuit and forgot all about the hole. He stopped, I didn’t, and for a moment I was suspended right there in thin air. Next thing I knew, I was in the bottom of the hole looking up and he was gone.

Another time I decided to get serious. I called the ACME Supply Company and bought a rocket that would allow me to catch him. All I had to do was wait until he came running, then hop on the rocket and fire it up. Sure enough, he came sprinting along. I hopped onboard and lit the fuse. Within seconds I was right there beside him. Overwhelmed with satisfaction from my pending success, I began to smile. But, then, BANG! My rocket blew up and I tumbled down the road all black from the explosion and smoke! Looking back I realize that everything I ever tried would have worked except for one thing that kept getting in the way: me.

Ya, you know me. My name is Wile E. Coyote. Do you remember me? Or, perhaps you don’t remember me; instead, maybe you ARE ME!  What I mean is this:  you are in constant pursuit of the Roadrunner (weight loss, good health), constantly trying new gizmos and gadgets (work outs and diets) but ALWAYS end up failing!  I see this cartoon played out all too often out there in the real world. We all want success and we find some excellent ways to accomplish it, but, in the end, we fail –usually due to ourselves.

So, how about it? Do you want success? Do you spend more time jumping from this gym to that, this diet to that one and so forth? Is your only true exercise one of futility, always chasing, never catching? Then it’s time to change Mr. or Mrs. Coyote!

First, call up ACME and order a plan for success. We can call it clean eating and exercise. Next, get started! But, be smart as you go this time. Learn from past mistakes and don’t fall into your own traps. Don’t get prideful when you feel success is close and most of all, be consistent this time. In the end, you will have success instead of one more entry on a long resume of failed efforts. Take some time and think about this. The cartoon can end today with your decision to succeed and a little hard work!

It’s almost summertime. Will you be ready? Beep beep.

Running With Apollo

Many any years ago I was a boxer. I had won many fights in my career but eventually I became lazy and let life get the better of me. I was overweight, out of shape and depressed. Then, a buddy of mine named Apollo Creed offered to help me get back in the game. Not just the boxing game but the game of life. I remember my buddy Apollo taking me out to the sandy beach day after day to race him, but, I just couldn’t beat him. Sure, I was capable of beating him, I had everything it took, except one thing: motivation.

Then one day it happened. We were on the beach racing, in the background trumpets blasted a song and it seemed as though I was running in slow motion. Somehow, in that moment, MOTIVATION caught up to me and I beat Apollo! It was amazing; in fact, they should make a movie about me. Wait. They did that already; well, except that it wasn’t me… ok, never mind, I digress.

So I’m not Rocky and I never raced Apollo on the beach, but the part about how motivation will catch up to you is VERY true. Unfortunately, I meet people all the time who are waiting for motivation to come along as they sit on the couch, eat unhealthy foods and ultimately entrench themselves in a very unhealthy lifestyle. Typically we think that one day, somehow, if the planets all align and the wind is blowing just right, that we will be overtaken by motivation. When this happens we will eat perfect, work out like champions and amaze the world with our new body. But, that just isn’t how it works.

What I have discovered is that if you lack motivation, yet want it desperately, you have to get out on the beach and run. Well, not literally, but you do have to start going through the motions. Here’s what I mean: start working out and eating right every day. You say “But I’m just not motivated to do that” to which I reply, “My point exactly.” You see, motivation is tricky. When you wait for it, expect it to hide from you. However, if you just get started without it, soon it will RUN to you. It’s true, in fact it’s so true that they SHOULD make a movie about me just for sharing this with you!

So, how about it? Tired of being ringside and watching life play out? Ready to get into the fight and show the world just what you can do? Then do this. Stand up, put on your gloves and step back in the ring. At first it will just be you facing your challenges and obstacles. However, soon you will be joined in your fight by motivation. And, let me tell you this, when motivation joins you, nothing can stop you.

Please, give this serious thought and by this time next month you can be winning the fight to look and feel fantastic. In the meantime, if you see someone doing sit ups off the roof of the studio or running up the streets in old 1979 sweats, just ignore me; I’m fighting some guy named Drago next month and I AM motivated! You are up next...

I Just Can

“I just can’t do it” she said as she lay there sweating, breathing heavy and with furious tears in her eyes. You see, she had just tried to do a full sit up; not fifty, not twenty even, but just one. Granted, today was her first day in my program, but still, she believed that she should at least be able to do ONE sit up. Clearly the years of fast food, DVR’s, comfy couches, fad diets and missed work out opportunities had caught up with her.

I believe that her statement “I just can’t do it” probably fit so many other areas of her life… like the time she was invited to that pool party. She thought about the prospect of putting on a swim suit. “I just can’t do it.” Or that time when she wanted to go for that job promotion. She knew she would be looked upon as the big girl and possibly as lazy so she finally concluded “I just can’t do it.”

Sadly though, there’s been more. Vacation, shopping for fun clothes, taking up new hobbies, riding bikes with her son… all end with that same statement. And, it’s true. She can’t.

Does this sound familiar? Are you living a “limited” life too? Let me tell you this: the only real thing she couldn’t do was realize that she COULD do all of those things from sit ups to swim suits. How? It’s a simple process really. Be careful, I’m going to tell you how to succeed, to overcome and to change your life. If you are afraid of success you may want to move on to another article…if not, read on.

There is a beginning called DECIDE. In this case, decide to change your life through clean eating and exercise. Then there is the middle which is the most important part and it has to be done forwards and backwards. Here goes: BE PERSISTENTLY CONSISTENT and BE CONSISTENTLY PERSISTENT. Get it? Eat healthy meals. Not one here and there but as many as it takes to get you healthy and happy! And exercise. Often! Finally, there is an end called ENJOY. That part I’ll leave to you to figure out. Trust me, it is amazing!!!

Fast forward six weeks. I walked into my class and saw that I had an odd number of people so someone was going to have to do sit ups without a partner to hold their feet. I asked for volunteers. Guess who agreed to do it? I would never admit it to anyone except you, but each and every sit up that she did, without someone even holding her feet, first one then soon 25, repeated over and over until she had done over 300 made me just stand and cheer for her inside. All she saw was a smile on my face, but inside I marveled at how she had learned to knock that silly little “apostrophe T” off her statement.

Guess what. It’s your turn because now even you know how.

"Good" goodbyes...

It was a sad day indeed. All I could think about was the days running and playing in the sun; the smell of sweet summer honeysuckle in the air. Back in those days I hardly seemed to have a care in the world. Summers seemed long, the ice cream truck was always on time and life was good. As these memories flashed through my mind, I watched as they took box after box out to sell at a garage sale or to donate to charity…piece by piece they were emptying the house where I had grown up. Needless to say, I was blurry eyed and the lump in my throat was there to stay.

When it was all done, the buyers signed the papers and within days crews started showing up to put in new carpet, apply fresh paint and even remove my favorite tree out front. Amid all of the commotion of selling the house, finding closure after my grandmother’s funeral and such, I went back to the old house. No one was around and maybe that’s a good thing. I sat in my car and revisited those old memories one last time. It was amazing. What a fantastic childhood that house gave me. The best Christmases and family gatherings were held within her walls. After a short while, I smiled and said goodbye. I put the car in gear and slowly pulled away with such strong mixed feelings.

That’s been nearly 18 years ago now and even still I have moments where I flash back to that old house and those days. I have moved on though. In fact, as I write this, I am having a brand new house built and I am hopeful for many amazing memories there. I look so forward with anticipation to this Christmas…and summer…and new memories. Needless to say, that old house taught me a lot, but one thing in particular stands out. Oddly enough, it taught me the importance of ending things well, of having "good" goodbye's.

Looking back, I realize that sometimes, in order to move forward and truly live life well, you have to have “good” goodbyes. That’s right, you have to end things well. How does this relate to your health and fitness? Like this: you have to take the YOU that you are right now and spend a little time remembering the good times. Your life has been a measure of amazement to say the least. You’ve lived a unique, good, bad and everything-in-between kind of life. Most people, I believe, tend to hate themselves. While I understand this, I can't agree with it. You see, while you may hate aspects of who you are and what you have become, NEVER discount all of the good within you as well. I promise you, there is more good than bad! So now,  when you are ready to move forward, do so...but, do it well!

We are facing a new year and with that come amazing opportunities for you to live life on your own terms. Think about the possibilities. By simply eating healthy and exercising you can enjoy a super happy, super healthy life. Smaller clothes, tons of energy and just fantastic health can all be yours. But, remember, end each chapter of your life well. By doing so, you will be well served going into your new future!

If you happen to be out for a healthy walk soon and happen to see me in my new yard, stop and say hello and smell the honeysuckle!

Transformation Blueprint

A while back this lady came to the studio to "consider" joining. When she came in, she seemed so fearful and worried. She looked at the machines in a way that made me think they were about to bite her. In talking to her, she had a dozen reasons for being overweight, none of them her own fault. It was her husband, her job and her schedule. She had done Weight Watchers, several of the local fitness classes, hired a trainer and now she was in my studio. After finally getting her into the program she got focused on pounds lost. If she didn't lose a pound each day, she wasn't transforming. Once, she ate some candy and told me that she "deserved" it because she had come to work out three days in a row.

Every time I challenged her to do more weight or to face some new obstacle, she never, ever stepped up to the challenge. Now, mind you she was all "into" the whole workout thing. She bought all the gadgets, had all the apps and talked a great talk. I recall one time when her class was going for a cheat meal together, she refused to go saying that she was too committed to have a cheat meal. Every time that I spoke to her and tried to help her with anything, it was a MAJOR production. She could never just talk. Everything was connected to something from her past and had some major familial dysfunctional element to it. After 20 weeks, this lady had lost lots of weight. But, to me, she had not "transformed" herself. My concern was validated recently when I saw this lady again. She's bigger than ever, looked sad and avoided me like I was from the IRS.

Unfortunately, this was not the first time I've experienced this. You see, for years and years I have been training people in the gym. In every case there is a certain amount of teaching people to use machines, free weights, cardio equipment and such. Quite candidly, any trainer can do that. And, from the perspective of the trainee, there is a certainly a requirement of performing sets of reps, grouped into workouts, mixed with cardio in order to get the job done.

To a particular point, this effort will produce results. Absolutely true. However, if you want to know the REAL truth of personal transformation, then here it is. Real transformation occurs in your head, or more specifically, your mindset. Transformation is not losing some pounds on the scale. It isn't pushing out some reps on the leg extension machine. Instead, transformation occurs on the inside. It has so little to do with how you work out, what method you follow etc. and EVERYTHING to do with your attitude towards all of it.

I’m certain that there are multitudes of psychologists and other "specialists" that can talk circles around me when it comes to this subject and clearly there are an unlimited number of books that claim to be able to "fix you", but I could care less about any of them. I know what I know and what I know is what it takes to transform yourself. If you are not interested, Dr. Phil comes on at 4:00 and Bob Greene has a new book coming out soon. If you ARE interested, keep reading.

First of all, get past the concept that there is some "special' combination of weights or some "special' DVD system or whatever that is magic. Not true. Almost all of them will work. I will agree that there are better and worse, but my point is that you should get passed the thought that there is only ONE way, better than all the rest. Even my UB program isn't the best there is (it's just way up the list.)

Next, get over yourself. The biggest obstacle that we all face is ourselves. How do you get over yourself? First, man or woman up. Take responsibility for being where & what you are and the fact that there is NO ONE else to blame for this. Every extra ounce of weight that you carry around, YOU put there. Also, stop blaming circumstances. I know people who to this very day are going through some hellacious situations, yet they fight on, day by day in spite of them. So, if you blame a lack of success on something as silly as "the schedule just didn't work' or "the front desk girl is just rude" then I am talking to you. Get over yourself. For some, that will be the toughest work out they have had in a long time!

Third on the list is developing a 'warrior' mindset. I don't mean that you have to be some tough guy and kick Chuck Norris's ass to be a warrior. What I mean is that you have to face your fears. I mean eye to eye, face to face, you vs. your fears. THAT is being a warrior. You see, when you are willing to face your fears, then nothing that comes against you will ever prevail. Sure, you will face some things and at times they will gain some ground on you. However, they will not win. Once you have that "warrior" mentality, donuts, chips, beer, laziness, depression...they haven't a chance against you.

Next, get out of your own head. Seriously, for the love of God, please get out of your own head. For some people, completely by choice, they over think and over-analyze even the most basic elements of personal transformation. For them, and maybe you, every step of the way has some PROFOUND meaning attached to it... "Well, my mom was overweight and she made me feel blah blah blah and therefore I've just always seen myself as a loser and so blah blah blah, now I'm overweight."  Just stop all that. Ya, your mom messed you up in some ways. Now flush that nonsense out of your head and get your butt to the gym and throw around some weights instead of all that mental weight. There is no re-do with your mom. It is what it is and it always will be, so you can choose to always be a victim of these things or you can choose to overcome them, and preferably without pie charts and graphs on how to do it.

Along with getting out of your own head comes divorcing every negative piece of self-perception that you hold on to right now. Here's what I mean: thoughts such as 'I'm fat," "I can never succeed," "I'm just not good at this or that" and so on. If you cannot accept the fact that you are an amazing creation of God, a complex and fantastic combination of intelligence and emotions and physiological miracles, then you simply don't get it and never likely will. The farthest that some people can see is to their own limitations. Their world is full of  "I can't" and that’s precisely where the whole show stops. "I can't" might as well be re-written to say: THE END. Open your mind. See what you truly are and accept THAT truth. Unlock this door. It is critical.

Next, be disciplined. What? BE disciplined? Yes, BE DISCIPLINED. We can all practice discipline and that certainly makes us better at it, but the fact is that discipline is a CHOICE for us in the matter of personal transformation. By now, you have lived enough life. You are not a child anymore. Therefore, the concept of "Well, I ate those Oreo's because I just don't have any discipline" holds zero water with me. You ate them because you CHOSE to. Period. How do I know that you already have discipline? Because, you don't shoplift, use drugs, recklessly damage other people's property, and assault people even when you are angry. You have discipline. You know better. Those of you who are the over-thinkers are busy RIGHT NOW over thinking that concept. Those of you who will likely succeed soon just read that statement, accepted it and are now moving on.

Finally, know when to let go. Not let go for good, but let go temporarily. Some people grip it so tight, hold on so hard that it's like the old fistful of sand...the harder you squeeze trying to hold onto it, the more of it you lose. Don't live your every single moment thinking or obsessing over your transformation. There are so many important things in your life that you will miss if you do. Family and friends will be overlooked. Experiences and opportunities will be passed up. So don't.

I often do something that many people would consider silly. Per my desire for even me to get over myself when needed, I will let my guard down and do just that. I love looking up at the "just before sunset" sky and seeing the amazing, blazing orange and purple and blue sky that God puts above us. It is simply breathtaking at times and there are never two alike. It's like a free masterpiece of art painted on the biggest canvas that's just given to us to enjoy. Sadly, I tend to point these out when I see them and most people, not all, but most, just glance up and say "ya, cool" and then put their mind right back into whatever was going on moments before. I do the same with rainbows. Want to see me get excited? Show me a rainbow. For a short time, anything in my life gets put on hold while I enjoy these life moments. This is one example of letting go, even if just for a short time.

In the end, transformation NEVER happens on the outside. It is ALWAYS on the inside. Your blueprint for success is here. Re-read it several times and honestly make the changes that you need to make. I'm not in the business of patting people on the back and telling them "good job" just to make them feel good. I am in the business of helping people succeed at one of life's hardest endeavors. So, please understand my desire. It is one of transformation. YOUR transformation, finally.

If you need more help or want to discuss, you know how to find me.